“Most men who rail against women are railing at one woman only.” – Rémy de Gourmont (1858-1915)
Every hero has an inner wound. It may be covered in scar tissue but it’s always there, a reminder of a day we’ve tried to forget. Until something happens that tears at the scar or someone actually targets the wound. Maybe someone bumped into it by accident. Perhaps a friend or coworker treated you poorly. If you didn’t have the wound, you would have felt nothing. But you do. This next instance just confirmed it. Now everything that happens to us is experienced through it.
Who hurt you? Who was it that wronged you all those years ago? It’s not uncommon for us to lash out at EVERYONE who reminds us of the one who hurt us. Maybe you’re lashing out at everyone in a certain class or group these many years later, but we all know it is just one person who deserves to suffer as you have.
Why DO we lash out at everyone but the actual target of our hate? I don’t know that there is any entire group you and I could be 100% right in condemning, except maybe that man-boy-love association, a few ’80s Boy Bands or your HOA.
And while national politicians garner just a 10% Approval Rating, and while it may be totally irrational to believe anything they say, or repeat their beliefs, or attack who they tell us we should attack, it’s still not ALL of them. Look. They’re politicians, not parents. They’ve become what they’ve learned from each other and from their environment. Maybe only 10% haven’t.
The truth is, each of us has become what we’ve learn, whether teachers, or plumbers, or parents, or marine biologists, or dependent, or haters. Humans become what they learn. Someone taught us, we did the homework, day-after-day, night-after-night. We may have even mimicked a role model. And we changed.
This is the core of Human Change Philosophy. And it’s one of the few self-evident truths of our experience. You weren’t born this way, Lady Gaga. You learned it. And earned it. Well done, by the way.
The rest of us who don’t become pop icons learn accounting and become accountants, learn plumbing and become plumbers, and even learn to judge others and so become judges, just without the gavel. Or the TV show.
This is the way I see the world precisely because I have become what I have learned, too. I also the happen to be the author of this philosophy. And it’s the philosophy through which I see the world. It may not be yours. I do not need anyone to agree with me or fully understand why I think this way. How can they? They’re not me.
And I’m not you. You have you’re own philosophy. It may agree with mine, but it’s yours. Still, like me, you have also become what you’ve learned.
The same can be said for Democrats and Republicans, Christians and Buddhists, Abusers and Blamers. Someone taught them their view. If they found security in grouping with those who shared similar beliefs, like grouping with fellow Tech peeps at conventions on a Friday night, or fellow believers on a Sunday morning, or rooting for the same team at the same bar on Monday night, they labeled themselves by the group.
The question we have is not whether we become what we learn. Rather, it is how many of our beliefs have we learned and how many are someone else’s beliefs that we are carrying around for them. There is as much of a risk in targeting a group as there is identifying with one.
“Once you label me, you negate me.” – Søren Kierkegaard
Of course we know that when whenever some labels us – or accuses or blames us for something – they are really sharing information about themselves. It may be true about us also. And it may not be. But with few exceptions, it is true about the one with the judgement. They are guilty of what they accuse and label others for. Why? Because of that wound.
In light of these self-evident truths, I have lost my tolerance for ANYONE who calls someone else a “liar,” even if it’s true. Why? First, because this kind of accuser has just informed the rest of us that he or she is a liar. Dang.
Do you like being called a liar, even if you’ve told just one lie?
Have you ever accused someone of being a liar, only to find out later that you didn’t have all the facts and were wrong (making you a liar) or that the person’s “lie” actually saved a person from a traumatic experience? We probably all have.
“First remove the beam in your own eye…” – Jesus
Whether you’re a Democrat, Republican, Christian, Buddhist, Atheist, Saint or any other Self-Labeled human, do your “selves” a favor – and those who don’t want to hear or feel your hate – and NEVER call anyone a name, a label, EVER. They may have cheated, but don’t call them cheaters. They may have lied, but don’t call them liars. They may be arrogant, just don’t call them arrogant.
Actually, you wouldn’t call them any of those things. Unless you were guilty of them yourself.
“Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” may be cute, but not if you want to be seen as an adult.
If someone does lie, speak about the lie. Don’t label the person. You could even exercise your maturity and help them “improve” their facts. Some people go into their old number and the facts may have changed. Help a brother out. You don’t have to expose them – or the unresolved gunk in your own heart – by calling them a liar. They’ll take themselves down…unless you decide to be a Hero and save them from themselves.
Isn’t that what you’d want someone to do for you if the situation were reversed?
©2009 Hero School Inc